Are You a People Pleaser or Is God Leading Your Life?
Do you say “Yes” even when you’re already overwhelmed?
Do you feel guilty when you tell someone “No”?
Do you worry more about disappointing others than about obeying God?
Do you take on tasks simply because “no one else will”?
Do you measure your worth by how much you do for others?
If you answer “Yes” to most of these questions, you just might be a people-pleaser, and this article is for you.
A few weeks ago, I received a DM from a music school I had messaged two years ago about learning to play the keyboard. This message took me in deep reflection; “why did I even want to play in the first place?”
Don’t get me wrong, I love music, and the idea of playing still excites me. But the truth is, I didn’t reach out to them out of pure passion or because the Holy Spirit led me. At the time, my church didn’t have a musician, and I thought, well, someone has to do it. Why not me? I convinced myself that filling the gap would make everyone happy.
But that message arriving years later uncovered a more probing question: Who was I really trying to please?
The truth is, I can think of a few choices I’ve made, not because I felt called, but because I felt obligated. We often think that saying “Yes” to every church activity or every request from family and friends will make us “good Christians.” It’s almost as if there’s a scoreboard in heaven where the busiest servant wins the prize. But Jesus never asked us to earn His love through overcommitment.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t serve, service is beautiful when done with a pure heart. But we must check our motives. Are we helping out of genuine love and God’s prompting, or out of fear of disappointing people?
Are you the one playing all the parts in the orchestra of your friends’ and family’s lives? Maybe you say “Yes” because the last time you said “No,” you faced backlash, criticism, or guilt trips. Or maybe you’re afraid of losing your “go-to person” status.
And yet, here’s the hard truth: when we say “Yes” out of fear, we’re not actually loving people, we’re protecting ourselves from their disapproval. That’s not servanthood. That’s self preservation in disguise.
I used to avoid saying “No” like it was the plague. I remember in a customer service training, I learned never to tell a customer “No”, always offer an alternative. Somewhere along the way, I applied that to life. I’d dance around the word “No”, hoping people wouldn’t notice I wasn’t agreeing while saving their feelings. But then I realized that avoidance is just as unhealthy as overcommitment.
Let’s be honest, sometimes people-pleasing hides under the mask of obedience. We’re quick to help, quick to show up, quick to be dependable but deep down, it’s about proving our worth. Worth, a gift that is inherited from God.
Paul writes in his letter to the Galatians “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10. He was resolute in his stance to preach the gospel of Christ and not please man and so I encourage you, let us check our motives. Who are we really aiming to please?
One clear sign of people-pleasing? Overcommitting. You sign up for too much, stretch yourself too thin, and still end up wondering, who exactly did this please?
Here’s what I want you to hear today: You are valuable. So is your time. So is your peace. God never called you to burn yourself out to make everyone else comfortable. You are running around trying to play superhero, but this message is also for you “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28-30.
A big step forward is learning to set boundaries. That means:
• Pray: Make sure God is the head and centre of your decision making.
• Remember that “No” is not a bad word.
• Keep margin in your schedule for rest and God’s interruptions.
• Trust God. He always knows best. He always knows the right person for the job.
Your worth is not in how many people you please it’s in who you are in Christ. Take a moment this week to review your commitments. Which ones were made authentically and which ones were made out of fear or guilt? Then, prayerfully let go of what’s not yours to carry.
